We spoke to Tom (he/him) in Rochester, NY on April 30, 2026. Tom was drafted into the US Army during the Vietnam War, and he was deployed soon after. He served from 1968 until 1971, working primarily in casualty reporting, and he was honorably discharged as an E5 specialist. Tom comes from a military family, and he remembered that there had been an expectation for him to serve. 

Although Tom was not out when he joined the military, he was aware that he was different. “I knew at an early age that I was different,” he told us. “And I knew by the way that people treated me that the kind of different I was, was not good.” Tom recalled that his father called him a “sissy,” that classmates picked on him for “walking like a girl,” and that he experienced instances of “gay bashing.” When he joined the military, he was apprehensive that he would be “labeled and mocked and put down for who I am.” However, he found that he banded together with others who were “different” like him, without ever explicitly identifying their common bond. Years later, as he has reconnected with people he once served with, he realized that “we were everywhere. I know that now, but I didn’t know that then because everybody like me was doing what I was doing: we were hiding.” 

When Tom thinks back to his time in the US Army, he considers it something he’s proud of. “I did things there that I never thought I would,” he said. More than that, he explained that he feels a sense of accomplishment for having navigated the military as a queer person. Although he wouldn’t choose to serve again due to his ethics, morals, and religious beliefs, he nevertheless considered the experience to have been formative. 

Today, Tom lives as an out gay man in Rochester, NY. He came into his queerness after he was already married to a woman and had children, and he came out after connecting with a support group for gay married men. He’s an active part of his family, the queer community, and the Unitarian Universalist church. “I’m proud to be out,” he said, “I’m proud to be gay. I’m proud to march down South Avenue [in the Pride Parade].”