We spoke to Malcolm (he/him) in Rochester, NY on May 14, 2026. Malcolm served in the US Marine Corps from 2010 to 2014, and he was honorably discharged as a lance corporal. He enlisted, in part, because he wanted “a good challenge” and, in part, because he considered the military a path out of his life in a small, rural town in Western New York.

Malcolm knew that he was queer when he enlisted, and he was out to everyone at home. However, he also knew that he was entering the military during Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and that he had to mask his identity from the onset. “I knew that it was going to be hard,” he told us. “Naively, I thought that I could turn it off for a few years and just get through it.” He did not, however, expect the degree to which the organization would go to uncover his queerness. Malcolm was outed, investigated, and nearly discharged after his commander pulled his medical records. The repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell kept him from discharge, but the remainder of his term felt like he was living “under a microscope.”

Malcolm struggles to reconcile the positive and negative experiences he had in the Marines. “It was some of the best and worst years of my life,” he explained. He made lifelong friends, developed a sense of discipline, and received benefits like access to education. Yet Malcolm also expressed a sense of grief about losing parts of himself, such as his playful approach to gender expression. The experience in the Marines, he said, “pushed me to the hyper masculine side of things, more out of necessity than desire.”

Today, Malcolm lives as an out gay man with his partner of 9 years, and he runs a successful artisanal bath & body shop. He is proudly open about many parts of himself, foremost his queerness, and he also considers himself a business owner, an entrepreneur, and a leatherman. His identity as a veteran doesn’t always feel compatible with the big picture of who he is today. When we asked him how he’d describe his life, he told us that “it took me a long time to get here, but I characterize it as pretty goddamn incredible… I’m a happy man.”