We spoke to Rob (he/him) in Rochester, NY on July 6, 2026. Rob served in the US Army from 2009 to 2012, and he was honorably discharged as an E-4 Specialist. He enlisted during the financial crisis, when he was no longer able to afford to remain in graduate school. The military was a familiar option because many of his family members had served, and he considered it an attractive way out of his conservative community in Michigan. 

Rob was 32 and out when he enlisted, and he expected that he would need to “become more neutral” in his mannerisms and appearance in order to serve during Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. He told us that he didn’t discuss relationships and avoided mentioning queer-coded culture with fellow platoon members. He remained active in the queer community by going to bars off base, where he eventually met his husband James. While Rob kept a low profile in the Army, he experienced several instances of homophobic intimidation. He was sexually harassed by a superior, a person Rob described as a “predator,” and he was bullied on social media by peers when he posted about visiting gay-friendly establishments. 

After his deployment to Afghanistan, Rob was weary of re-deployment, and he decided to separate from the military. He also told us that he had “mentally checked out” because he had grown disappointed in the Army’s failure to fulfill its promises of opportunities for educational and professional advancement.  

Today Rob lives as an out gay man with his husband in Rochester, NY. While he identified structure and focus as core gains from his time in the military, he underlined that the most important thing he learned was to “stand my ground a little more, to not discount myself.” Separating from the Army ultimately allowed him to live authentically as a proud veteran who’s active in the queer community.