We spoke to Sean (he/him) in Buffalo, NY on June 25, 2026. Sean served in the US Army from 2012 to 2016, and he was honorably discharged as an E4 Specialist. Sean came from a military family, and he enlisted out of his own sense of patriotic duty to fight for “humanitarian efforts… something that I felt everyone at the time was fighting for.” The military was also a pragmatic choice at a time in his life when he needed direction and discipline. 

Sean knew he was queer before enlisting, but he wasn’t out to most people. He was worried about serving as queer in the aftermath of the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. His fears were substantiated when a recruiter pulled him and another gay man aside to explicitly ask about their sexuality. The other man outed himself, and the recruit disqualified him; Sean chose to lie “straight to his face” to secure his enlistment. During his service, he found a community of “safe” people in his battalion to whom he came out selectively. He also found pathways to dating and having relationships, and he eventually married his former husband. However, he remained on guard because he witnessed implicit and explicit homophobia and transphobia around him. In his work in HR, for instance, he remembered that he effectively ran “a tiny Underground Railroad” to ensure that same-sex couples were not excluded from receiving equal benefits.

After leaving the Army, Sean reflected that his service was a sort of “pressure that matures you very rapidly.” As he has been navigating dating anew, he has found that peers in his age group don’t necessarily have an access point to understanding his experiences in the military. Those experiences, nevertheless, define who he is today. Sean is open about is his identity as a veteran and as a gay man. “It’s a privilege that some people don’t get to see until they get to know me,” he said. “I can’t be one of the other.” 

Sean told us that the military taught him “courage and fortitude” that he used during his service, as he does now, to fight for queer rights. Today he lives as an out gay man in Buffalo, NY, where he works as an engineer and engaged actively with the broader community.