We spoke to Lou (she/they) in Rochester, NY on March 27, 2026. Lou served in the US Navy as a Boatswain’s Mate Second Class from 2001 to 2005. Lou enlisted after completing college and remembered that part of her motivation stemmed from feeling like she couldn’t be out in her small town in the Souther Tier region of New York state. “I always knew I was different, and I always knew it was not going to be a promising thing if decided to explore my feelings. There were always girls I was interested in, and one girl in particular,” Lou recalled. “There was a part of me that [enlisted] just to have her tell me to stay.” The girl did eventually ask Lou to stay, but it was after she had committed to the Navy.

Although Lou knew they were queer, they were not out while serving. Instead, they said that “I was more focused on pretending I wasn’t gay.” For Lou, that meant they presented as straight and briefly married a man, another service member on their ship. Lou’s time in the Navy overlapped with Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and they were aware of other queer people primarily through rumors and small interactions with others. But, ultimately, they told us that they were not quite ready to accept their sexuality while they were serving.

Today, Lou recognizes that the Navy shaped a lot of their personality, but “it wasn’t until I got out of the Navy that I really embraced who I was.” Within a year of their honorable discharge, Lou met a woman, fell in love, and came out. She lives as an out lesbian in Rochester, NY.