We spoke to Rich (he/him) in Buffalo, NY on June 26, 2026. Rich served in the US Army from 1982 to 1988 and in the Reserve until 1992, and he was honorably discharged as a Staff Sergeant. He enlisted because he wanted to distance himself from his abusive alcoholic stepfather and to “prove to [him] that I wasn’t a wuss.” Rich had been teased for being a feminine child, and he hoped that serving would “make me realized that I wasn’t gay.”

From the time Rich arrived in basic training, he saw that he was not alone in choosing the military as a sort of cover for his sexuality. “There were a lot of other gentlemen there who were trying to prove that they were ‘manly men,’” he remembered. Instead of deterring his queerness, the environment of the Army bolstered it. Although no one could be openly out, Rich told us that he clocked other gay men through innuendos, winks, and head nods and that he found a mentor in a gay drill sergeant who taught him how to protect himself. 

Over the course of his service, Rich found a rich underground queer community on and off base in various places where he was stationed. He told us that there was a lot of “bed hopping… and a lot of sex.” At one point, when he was serving in Germany, he covertly shared an apartment with his partner, who was also his commander. Rich also found other ways to express his queerness, most notably by performing as a drag queen and working as a stripper. He underlined that he always worried about being caught or outed, but that he stayed safe by keeping careful stock of his allies.

Rich was medically discharged from the Army after testing positive for HIV. Although he credited the military with giving him discipline, travel, and friendship, leaving allowed him to “kick open the door” to his identity. He told us that serving “made me realize who I was, and to stand up for what I believe in. No matter what I do, I’m always going to be me, and I don’t need to hide it any longer.” He lives as a proudly out gay man with his husband Chuck in Buffalo, NY.